Urine tests used to sound the death knell for tokers. The facts were grim: THC stays in the urine of heavy smokers for at least a month; for lighter smokers, marginally less. These long stretches made it impossible to stop smoking and still positively impact a test.
Guzzling water was also a test-beating strategy. Good for hydration and baby-smooth skin, it’s ineffective for drug testing. This is because the urine’s levels of creatinine must be just-so. If they’ve fluctuated it could spell trouble. Additionally, the fluid must be a specific temperature to keep you in the clear.
In light of the widespread legalization and decriminalization of marijuana in the United States (28 states have legalized medical marijuana and two have legalized recreational marijuana) these tests seem absurd. A medical card-carrying pot user can still face trouble at the office.
This demonization of the “evil weed” extends to the highest governmental ranks. One of the main opponents of pot legalization is Attorney General Jeff Sessions. He strongly advocates eliminating Obama-era policies that halted the Federal government from effecting anti-marijuana laws in states amenable to the substance.
Regardless of the oppression, testing clean for a urine screening trickles down to a product called synthetic urine. It follows the principle of “if it walks like a duck and looks like a duck it must be a duck.” It closely mimics the appearance, chemical properties and temperature of genuine pee. Here’s how to beat a drug test:
WHAT IS SYNTHETIC URINE?
This synthetic smoothly impersonates the properties of the real thing. Counterfeit urine is available in powders and premixed solutions. Both can be obtained from smoke joints, sex shops, drugstores or ordered online. Each version will degrade or expire so toss old kits. Read the directions thoroughly. Any improvising will put you at risk.
Bladders, temperature strips and tubes can augment the basic kit for more effective results. Kits include two ounces of artificial urine. Many of these kits produce extremely realistic substances that look, smell and even foam like genuine urine.
WHAT TO MAKE SURE OF BERFORE A TEST
Like the tests you took in school, this one is also pass/fail. If you pass tainted urine you’ll fail to be employed. Use a mock urine kit only if:
• Nobody will be watching.
• You’re being observed, but you know, with absolute certainty, that you won’t be told to drop your drawers or hike up your shirt so they can ogle your flow.
• The kit is a reliable brand. If you buy an unknown brand to save money, it may be expired or have ineffective ingredients. Drug testing companies have become more sophisticated in detecting fake urine, so get a name brand with a proven track record.
• It’s your only option. If there’s absolutely no way you’d pass the test without it (you’ve been smoking like a blown engine all weekend) then you must use substitute urine.
HOW TO USE A PREMIXED KIT
Anyone can become a whizz kid at using these kits. The typical kit includes premixed fake urine, a belt for camouflaging it around your waist and heating pads to maintain the liquid at body temperature.
• On testing day, prepare everything one hour before your performance
• Shake the heating pad several times and attach it to the belt’s bag
• Close the clips, wrap the belt around your waist and camouflage it under your clothing
• Make sure the temperature strip has contact with your skin
• Make sure the tip of the tube points downward
• Once you’re in the bathroom stall undo the clips and pour the urine into the cup
• Feel profoundly relieved and at one with the universe
HOW TO USE A POWDERED KIT
• Up to eight hours before your test, combine powdered urine with water
• Bring the urine container and heat activator powder into the bathroom
• Add heat activator to urine and shake for about 10 seconds. If the sample temperature is between 90-100˚ you’re ready to pour it into the collection cup
• For more discreet urine collection, you can use a belt like the one described above
WHERE CAN I HIDE IT DURING A LOOSELY SUPERVISED TEST?
• Wear two pairs of underwear and conceal it between them
• Tape the bag to your inner thigh
• In your bra
• In a synthetic belt above your belly button
• In your preferred private orifice
WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DOES THE TEST EVALUATE?
The characteristics that technicians look for in urine are copious and complex. This is one of the reasons why it’s so difficult to how to beat a drug test.
• pH — From 4.6 – 8
• Specific Gravity — The density of urine compared to water
• Temperature — Between 90 and 100˚ Fahrenheit. Exactly.
• Creatinine Levels — Samples are red-flagged as diluted if creatinine levels are below 15 mg of your bodyweight
• Uric Acid — The red flag flies again in the absence of uric acid
• Glutaraldehyde — Found only in urine-concealing substances
• Nitrate — Again, a masking agent
• Urea — Phony pee lacks urea
• Color and Smell — Dilution is suspected when pee looks and/or smells like water.
WHAT ISN’T SCREENED IN THE TEST?
• Sex hormones (which reveal gender)
• Genetic information
• Prescription medications
• General health
OUR SYNTHETIC URINE REVIEW
There are shelves full of synthetic urine. Some have bright colors, some have cool artwork, some have catchy slogans. None of this matters when that little clear cup is in hand. What matters at that harrowing moment is reliability, quality and consistency. We found one that we wanted to feature in a synthetic urine review:
The Best Synthetic Urine Solution
Pee tests can be daunting and ominous. Your career and your life hang in the balance. Imitation urine is an effective and discreet way to beat a drug test. If urine trouble, urine for relief.